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Dear William, I am starting this off with an apology, I am very sorry for the way I behaved the last days we have spoken, if I knew it would cause so much pain, if I could turn back time I would do things differently. But what has happened, has happened and cannot be changed. I know it is probably better if I just don't attempt to contact you and leave it as it is, but I can't. It's been hard to decide whenever I am sending you a letter or not, and so much harder to arrange my
thoughts which are a huge mess right now in a simple way that you would understand. I'm not writing this because I expect you to read it, but obviously I would be happy and relieved if you did. I'm not writing this because I expect a response from you, don't feel like you owe me anything in return. Nor am I writing this with hope that we would ever be able to speak again. I am writing this because I want to express what I feel the right way, I don't want the past days we spoke to be what
I remember about our friendship. I don't want to regret not apologizing, to regret not explaining myself or what I feel or why I've done things the way I did. Over the years the number of people I've left things unclarified with has increased, it really bothers me, I don't want it to be something that would fidget my mind, I don't want to have to think about how I should of said something earlier with every passing day. There are too many thoughts to come that would run through my head before I fall asleep and I don't
want this to be in my head for any longer, I want to share it with you and let it go. I am not afraid to talk about how I feel, nor am I running from my feelings. I kept hiding my feelings for my entire life, whenever something happened I dag deep into myself to bury what I really felt, leaking out something else or the opposite, I've come to realization that it would off been so much easier if I was just expressed myself more often. I am done hiding or running from who I am or what
I feel. That is what I am trying to do now, I know that being an open book has it's disadvantages, that people would not only know my strengths, but weaknesses as well. I don't fear being open and blunt with you, I feel like I can trust you. I don't know if you ever felt like I am trustworthy, like you could talk openly on any topics or share any experience of your life with me, I felt like I could. Which was entirely scary and awesome at the same time. I cannot explain why I feel that way,
it's beyond reasoning or consciousness. I don't know why I've come to grow close to you so quickly, I felt like we had a connection from the first day, a strong connection. It barely happened to me in the past, it happened once before you and ended about the same. I've never had the courage to go back and talk about it, to be honest, be myself. Which over the years has become one of my biggest regrets, I am not letting this one collide into it and grow into something worse, it's something my mind cannot bear.
Some days before you deleted me, I started getting a feeling that you were going to do it. It felt awful, I've discussed it with someone and they advised me to try talk it out with you. But I knew from then that there was nothing to be done that would change the situation. I felt so powerless because I knew it and I knew that there was nothing I could do, and there's no worse feeling than knowing you can't prevent something. I wanted to prevent it because I thought I wasn't ready to lose you, in
fact I really was not. I find it hard to simply detach myself from somebody I care about strongly. And if I do, I want it to be in a civil, calm and friendly way. I don't mind saying goodbyes or farewells if they are said a peaceful way. I want you to know that I understand you had your own reasons for doing this, I don't blame you and I respect your decision. That doesn't hurt me anymore, I am just bothered by how I've reacted. I never manage to say the right things in important situations and I
am sorry, I can only hope I've learned and became somewhat more resilient. I can only hope that you aren't hurt, but I am sure that some stuff I have said cut you deep. I can't forgive myself if I don't write this. I could care less if you dislike me now, I just want you to be happy, nothing else would matter to me then. If I only knew that you are happy, that you don't let it bother you and that you feel your usual self, I would feel complete again. I know that after I send this,
I will feel better, I will be able to move on and breathe easily once again, at least these are my hopes. Please be happy William, enjoy life and live it to the fullest, it can be hard at times, but it makes us stronger, we learn most of things from the toughest times of our lives. It triggers our mind to think, to solve, to question, to put things together that we never knew can be combined. We gain experience, experience that helps us in future similar situations, sometimes we learn from the first time, sometimes from the third
or tenth, but the most important thing is that in the end we do. It doesn't matter how much time it takes to achieve something, if you are trying and not giving up. It doesn't matter what others think, it matters what you think and want, so never let somebody else influence something in your life or tell you that you aren't good enough to do something. Do what you feel is right, follow your heart and accompany it with rationally, because you know our heart is at times foolish. Believe in yourself, if there is anyone on this planet
you should really believe in, rely on, love and respect it's you, trust me you deserve that, we never realize how special we are to ourselves, never take a moment to think about how important we actually are to ourselves and how much energy and power lies beneath our skin, if only we could direct it in the sake of everybody's wellness. We go through stuff, we move on, we solve problems, we enjoy things, make memories all with ourselves. Every year that adds to our life is a year full of lessons, experiences and memories, each different from another
person on this planet. Our DNA as humans might be 99.9% alike, but everybody's memories and experiences aren't exactly the same, you might find somebody that looks like your twin, but never somebody whose mind would match yours, that's what I think makes each and every human beautiful and special. In my eyes you are wonderful, you're a great person, I will only think of the best times we had together when you run through my head, I would never regret I met you, you've made me happy and I'm utterly thankful for that. I hope you feel the same
and never get sad or nostalgic. I want you to know that if you ever need somebody, that if you ever need me, I will be there for you no matter the case. I would be happy to help you out, to guide you or to just be there, so please if you ever get at a point in your life where you're lost, confused, upset and don't have anybody else feel free to contact me, I am comfortable discussing any issues or on any topics, I would never judge, always be sincere, always talk from the bottom of my
heart, always wish you the best. The last thing I wanted to discuss was about what I feel for you, because I've said that I grew feelings for you. Confusion arose in my head from the moment I've felt you were going to get rid of me, it hurt so much to think about losing you, the fear hit me hard and I thought I loved you more than I should. It's easy to confound feelings, because I do love you a lot and I care about you tremendously, it's rare for me to care for somebody
in this way and to build such trust in a short amount of time, although we spent a lot of time together so I guess that did it. Those factors led me to believe that I had feelings for you, to be honest I wish I did not say that at that time, because it made the situation worse. I did want to talk with you about it, I trusted you enough to think I could talk with you about my confusion, but I should of done it only if we had a calm conversation, that timing was the worst
I could off ever picked, I'm sorry. So don't worry I didn't fall for you, I'm not heartbroken, it takes me a lot of time to fall in love with people, my heart is far from being ready to love somebody in that way. But I do definitely love you, you're so dear to me and you will always have a very special place in my heart. I remember once you've said words are just words, I hope you won't have the same attitude on this letter, to me these aren't just words, these are words with meaning, words
that mean a lot to me, words that I try to put my best in, words that I write with a smile on my face and with a positive spurt of energy and emotion. Everything is written with honesty, it's a pure reflection how I truly feel. This whole letter sounds like a last goodbye, this is the first letter I've wrote in my life, I'm writing it as It's the last thing I'd ever tell you because I don't know if we would ever talk again. I don't care if I embarrass myself or sound lame, I feel good
about this, now that I've reached the ending of writing I feel fantastic, I can breathe so much easier. I just hope you won't feel bad reading it, it's meant to bring a feeling of easiness to your soul. So for now, I'm saying it as it's the last time, take care, I believe in you, I love you, goodbye. M
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