Hey amor, well first sorry for calling you amor, its just been so long. I think this is the longest we been apart and I hate it. And I miss you terribly. I love being next to you and gosh how I wish you were next to me right now so I could tell you instead of writing this. Well on Friday we talked and although I cried and everything you stayed next to me listening I wanted to hug you and never let you go but I thought that you would probably get mad at me. We were texting but you haven’t replied so I got bored but I’m still waiting, patiently although you know I’m not patient still I don’t get mad. And if you snapchat like aguilar or ponchis you can tell me its not like I can do something and I’m in no position to get mad or anything but I would rather know... i’m not saying that you were lying I’m just saying but I’m sorry if it sounds like I am. I really do wish I was with you, everything is amazing by your side. Its harder to concentrate when i’m not with you..i don’t know if ill give you this letter or if i’m just writing this because I cant stop thinking of you. When I get on Instagram I like to check what my followers like and stuff because I don’t find anything interesting in my news feed and this morning you were liking stuff but didn’t reply me then a while later you told me you were cleaning … this why sometimes I feel like you don’t want to talk to me. Bu I don’t blame you I know I might not be as interesting as agulilar or jose luis and I cant help to get jealous but I’m sorry. and I know you text with ponchis and not reply me on purpose and it does bug me but I don’t hate the guy or anything its just the fear that I lost you for someone else…who am I kidding it really hurts knowing that you rather talk to him instead of me…I truly do love you and I’m sorry if get you mad… and your just so beautiful if I were to become blind the last thing id want to see would be you and aaah I just love you so much and I wish I could show you how much I do but I know you wont text me or kik me back and barley answer my call. And I really wish we would fix things ive never been so alone until I lost you and I miss holding you in my arms and when you’d purposely put your hair in my face cause you knew it tickled my face or when id kiss your finger then you’d keep putting it again and again so I could keep giving you kisses. Or remember when you were crying once by the stairs and I went to talk to you and after a while you were laughing and smiling then you put lip gloss on me then kissed me. you tell me you miss me too and that you love me but you don’t want to talk to me .. its killing me. I don’t know you just say you don’t want to but there has to be a reason. Are you doing this for ponchis? Do you like him?Why are you doing this?? Why are you giving up on up? your not like that.. i’m not changing for you I’m changing because you made me a better person I know what’s right and what I should do. The person I am with you is the person I want to be. And I know we would fight but I also know that you were happy and I miss you terribly all I want is for a chance but not even that. Are you doing this for your grandma? For someone else? Because like I told you I now I’ll let you concentrate and if you don’t want to ill get after you like you would get after me to do my work and I know we’ll have time for each other not just in school. And you might think I have a lot of friends or something but even if im surrounded by people I feel alone. I don’t think I have friends…Its like you lost hope in us. You’re the one who taught me better to not be so pessimistic, you make me so happy that’s is inexplicable. What about all the letters you wrote me saying that you would always love me and that you never wanted to lose me? Or the jar with reason you would always love me? And the promises we made to each other that we’d be together forever ? or being the couple that last forever that people say”oh look their still together”? remember that? I know you don’t want me to change for you but I’m not, I’m changing because I know your what’s good for me. I’m glad to see you smile and laugh but it hurts because I cant be with you and it feels like you already moved on… and I love you so much Lucinda Marie Villasana, my happiness was at its greatest when we were together. I just don’t understand why you wont give us a chance. I remember the first time we listened to our song, I didn’t want to listen to it because it was country song but you insisted and you told me that it was your favorite song because it always calmed you down when you were mad, we continued to listen to it after a while it became our song. I remember once we were listening to it in the bus on our way home and you were like a little ball against me and I held you the entire time. I don’t know if your giving up or what ? I hope not. Im sorry for wanting to be with my friends but now I realize that I really had no one, I only had you. Im sorry for all the times I got you mad and let you be mad. I’m sorry for not always kissing you before class like you wanted me to because I didn’t want to get you in trouble. I’m sorry for not always listening. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I wouldn’t always apologize. I’m sorry I was so stupid and a jerk. I’m sorry that the time you were fighting with Jessica I didn’t help you put up posters. I’m sorry I didn’t always take pictures with you. I’m sorry I would cuss. I’m sorry wouldn’t always hold your hand in the bus when we were mad. I’m sorry I hadn’t put any pictures of you on Instagram. I’m sorry I wasn’t the best boyfriend I should have been. I’m sorry I was stubborn. I’m sorry I wouldn’t always get the grades you wanted me to. Im sorry for when I would get mad at you. I’m sorry I would get jealous. I’m sorry I always wanted to text you. I’m sorry I didn’t know what to get you when we had one year. I’m sorry for all the bad times we’ve had. If you haven’t deleted the pictures of us on your ipod can you email to me ? if you can. I remember the first time we talked, I was with jj and you were with Vicky and I kept asking if you smoked because I thought you were really cute but I didnt want you to be one of those girls that smoked. Thankfully your nothing like the other girls , your so much better. Your loving, generous, sweet, caring, beautiful, intelligent, trustworthy, respectful, nice, kind, helpful, and truly amazing and you have self respect and that means a lot because you are better than the other girls. remember when you used to tell me I was like your best friend but better. In your letters you put that “no relationship is perfect”, but I really want to fix things. And I’m glad I chose to be with you I’ve never regretted it. You would tell me you never wanted to lose me that you love me with all your heart. You even put “ you’re mine and only mine forever amor <3 ~5-10-12~” and I want to be your and only yours forever and I miss it when I asked you “ your mine?” and you’d tell me” only yours forever” and you called me “the love of your life” . it breaks my heart . I miss there being an us, but I’m not going to lose hope because to me you are worth fighting for and I never cared what other people said I was always happy to have you to call you mine I couldn’t be any prouder to say that beautiful girl with the glasses and gorgeous smile, that’s my girl. You’re the only person I want in the world, you’re the girl of my dreams. Unfortunately this stupid idiot lost that amazing girl. And I really want you back and I know you may not believe me when I say things will be different but they will. We won’t go back to that cycle of fighting and staying silent anymore, I don’t know if you’re scared that, that will happen again but it won’t,. You might not believe me but im giving you my word and you know that I love you more than enough to do anything for you. I probably need to write more but it hasn’t hit me yet. And the top part was from the day I was at the library. They day you were actually texting me like you used to. And now you just say “ yeah, yup, okay, idk” and I really want us to talk but I need you to make the effort. I know you won’t listen to me but hopefully I dint know you decide to give it a shot. And I really miss you I just lay in bed sometimes wishing I could be holding you again. And I know you miss me but I guess you barley miss me because your always with your friends laughing not that it’s a bad thing but I just miss you a lot. At night as much as I try I cant sleep I just start thinking and remembering all of our memories and I have no control over it my mind just goes off thinking about you. And everything reminds me about you, like sometimes someone will be saying something and just one word that they say brings back memories. And I miss your laugh and holding your hands, pretending to kiss your nose then biting it or when youd yawn id put my finger in your mouth then you’d bite me sometimes. And I wake up at random times off the night thinking of you. When I can close my eyes I can picture you smiling and laughing. Every minute of the day I think of you, ive never cried for anything the way I cry for you in years. I believe that we can be together. Anything is possible, you’re the one who would always pick me up when I was down , who showed me not to give up. Remember when we used to walk to stem just so we could spend more time together walking and then you were like “stop!” then you started looking at the stop sign. Your creativity is out of this world. Your honestly amazing and wonderful and perfect to me in every way possible. I love everything about you I think its cute that your short even if you are average height to me your short and I love that, I love that you would try to cure me and get after me for doing dumb things. I loved that you cared so much.. I wrote the half of the first page the day I was at the library. I love you with all my heart forever and ever plus 3 days.. I’m going to keep all the promises I made you that night you broke up with me, will you? I don’t know? I’m always going to be here for you, for anything you need I want you to know that you can count on me. I love you my princess/ tooters