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Sofia/Kaps/Fia/Kapatid/Ezra/Aid, Even though I keep seeking the right words and despite the amount of my effort I put into this letter, I’m well aware that language is inadequate and it would not suffice to materialize the complexities of how you made me feel. I knew nothing about poetry, and if I knew how to express that in other languages other than mine to help you see how your existence changed my life for the better, I would. I find it ironic sometimes na ang maririnig mong wish sa’yo kapag birthday mo, e, “Huwag kang magbabago.” or “You should always stay the same.”
while knowing fully well how the notion of being human relies highly on the individual’s capacity to change. Naalala ko ring nasabi mo sa’kin dati na naiinis ka sa sarili mo for always changing. In a lifetime filled with quite literally just chances to meet a certain person at a point, we would never be certain about the who they would eventually become, and the ranging gaps of who they were before, who they are now, and who they’d eventually be in the future. Change is constant, Kaps. That’s for sure. That works for people, too. I’m not in any way trying to
hinder your self-discovery and impede on your personal growth. At gusto ko lamang malaman mo na, mamahalin kita sa lahat ng bersiyon ng iyong sarili. I mean it from the bottom of my heart’s intentions. When I love, hindi ko sinasabing you should always stay the same as your measure of consistency. Do what you ought to do for yourself, fulfill your dreams, and flow to whatever you desire to be. To that warm-and-welcoming Sofia I knew back in the 7th grade, kasama kong magdusa sa Physics at STM. Kasama kong mag-pangalan sa mga karakter na kaniyang mga sinusulat. To that Sofia
I knew back in the midst of Covid-19 Pandemic, whose existence reminded me that life’s still worth fighting for. Whose existence taught me a different face of strength, a strength that is shown in kindness and restraint. Pakikibaka ang magsulat. Mapagkawanggawa. Mapagbigay ng mga bagay na pinagkakait sa kaniyang kapwa. And to my writer, Arze Zofie/Tweeszra/Lemonaid/Dosealaala (including lahat ng pen names na nagamit mo before), I thank you for all the pieces you’ve made, it changed my viewpoint of life in myriad of ways for the better. Sa taong umakay sa akin mula sa pagkukubli sa mga dilim at kasama kong dumungaw sa liwanag at
maglakad sa kahabaan ng bukirin ng mga naiisip at mabulaklak na salita. To Kapatid/Kaps, who was with me as I pushes through toxicity of life, who has seen me in my worst, who I was with through laughter and tears. Salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng tahanan na hindi ko kailanman mahahanap saan man at kanino man. Matagal na tayong sugatan. Uhaw sa simpatya. And to Ezra/Aid, who was been with me through all my stages of healing and the one that helped me rebuild the broken brittle pieces of my soul. Lagi mong pakatatandaan na laging may bahagi sa aking nagpapasalamat,
naghihintay, at bukas sa pagbubukas mo ng sarili. Laging may rehistro sa akin ang mga magagandang bagay, lahat ng ikaw bersiyon ng iyong sarili na nakilala ko, at makikilala’t mararanasan ko pa sa susunod. And as you phase another version of yourself, I’ll be right here with open arms. I’ll be right here in the seeking. I’ll be there in the requiem. I’ll be everywhere. This is not just a birthday letter, but an elegy for you and I. Ano mang hindi naging ako ay ikaw, ngunit bawat naging ikaw sa ngayon ay aking pagihilom. Ano mang naging bahagi ng ikaw ay naging bahagi rin ng akin.Maririnig ko ang lahat ng
iyong naging pangalan sa aking isipan at maibabanggit na minsan kasinghaba ng isang dekada’t mahigit mga walang pamagat na pasasalamat sa iyo. Maligayang Kaarawan!
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