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I once imagined my first love would unfold like a scene from a romantic film, filled with fantasy and grand gestures, culminating in a dramatic, epic conclusion. However, when it came to us, my experience was far from my daydreams. Initially, my feelings for you were subtle, barely noticeable. But as time passed, those feelings grew, slowly but surely, until one day, my world was completely intertwined with yours. It wasn't the exhilarating kind of love I had envisioned; rather, it was a profound connection that filled me with both awe and fear, realizing how much influence you had over
me. I had always wished for love to behave in a certain manner, to be under my control. Yet, true love taught me a valuable lesson: the importance of letting go, accepting that I cannot control others. Every moment became a test of my willpower, struggling to communicate with the one person I yearned for. I had to muster every bit of strength I possessed to understand that you were like an addiction to me, one I needed to overcome. The first time our paths crossed, I would have confidently bet against any form of connection between us. But now, your presence
has a way of affecting me, regardless of time or place. When you touched me, it was as if every part of me ignited with an intensity I had never known, a passion and chemistry so powerful, I never wanted it to end. The challenges you put me through were difficult, yet they shaped me in ways I now see as necessary. People often ask if I regret the time spent with you. My response has always been consistent: you were a blessing in disguise, teaching me about a love not of sweetness or purity, but of an intoxicating, all-consuming nature.
So, no, I harbor no regrets. In fact, I consider myself fortunate to have encountered such a profound love so early in my life. I used to jokingly say that of all the people I could choose, I chose the "psycho". But upon reflection, I realize that's not who you are. You're complicated, carrying layers of trauma, pain, and depth that I naively thought I could peel away, layer by layer. This endeavor stopped abruptly at a formidable barrier, a wall I hoped you might lower with a gentle request. Yet, I've come to understand that perhaps you don't know how,
that maybe you've never been truly open or vulnerable with anyone before. I wished to be the one to witness your growth, to support you through it, but growth cannot be hurried. This journey with you has been a profound lesson in love, in its most raw and unfiltered form. It has taught me patience, understanding, and the true meaning of unconditional love. While I may not be able to break down your walls or change your path, I hold onto the hope that one day, you'll find your way to being truly open, not just with me, but with yourself.
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