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Howdy partners, I am Derek and if you are reading this I’m toast, due to unforeseen circumstances. You will have received this letter from a trusted courier source, my sister Denise. Only my most trusted patrons and valued customers will receive this once in a lifetime invitation to celebrate my long, successful, full life as saltmarsrshes most eligible bachelor, and 4 time winner of the annual Eligible Bachelors who are also shopkeepers award (sponsored by the Pussy Palace LTD). At my request/behest, please make your way beyond the beaded curtain, and await further instructions. With love and compassion, Across the fields,
Speed, love fury and lust, Derek
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