Dear Sadie Virginia, It has been approximately 720,000 minutes since our first meeting on the 4th of July, 2022 at Herrington Lake in Lancaster, Kentucky. In that time, much has transpired in our adventure, both lovely and hard. I would like to take a moment to first consider the introduction to the story. On that 4th of July, I was not looking for a lover at the time. I was, however, eager to impress anyone who came to the house, especially any women. I wore a tank top to showcase my build, cooking on the grill to demonstrate a masculine servitude of guests, sunglasses to hide any weakness of the eyes, and music to create a charming aura of a self-sufficient man who need not anything but the work in front of him. The strong, mysterious, silent type, a fit man with bronze skin and dark hair, that externally is all about brawn and work of the hands, but with a smile occasionally and intelligent words spoken to surprise people with a bit of levity and intrigue. A character that possesses the attributes of the handsome warrior like Joseph or David, yet underneath also the wisdom and depth of an artist and thinker like Daniel or Solomon. It is a character that I have had practice creating, and I know that in the right circumstances tends to work on my intended audiences. Perhaps this is a side of me I have not talked in length before, but it is one that exists that I use when I want to charm people in a variety of social circles. Call it a bit of my intrinsic acting at play. While feeling as though I was accomplishing my mission well talking to our guests, I went out on the lake after cooking and serving the apple cider chicken thighs I had made. People were already out in the water playing, laying on floats and enjoying the summer air. I did notice a woman I had not met yet, one who had an attractive, and might I be able to say, a curvaceous figure that I had a hard time hiding my gaze. The sunglasses certainly aided me. I knew my target was to impress this woman the most, whoever she was. I know this sounds like a very disagreeable man, given the context of who I was dating at the time. To be fair, this was close to me breaking up with Molly, and I think I knew deep down that she was not what I wanted. In any case, I simply was keeping my options open for the future and just curious to start a flirtatious play, as any young man would probably do. I did not approach her directly, as that would be far too obvious or strange. Therefore, I waited patiently, seeming as though I had no direct purpose to my actions. But none of my actions are without purpose when there is something I am looking for. There was an opportunity when my parents decided to take a mini excursion on the boat. This woman decided to join the crew, and so I naturally found my way on board as well. I also desired a leisurely ride on the lake, my intentions were not strictly libidinous I assure you. I enjoyed the boat ride, with my sunglasses allowing me to take a few glances at this woman and her legs, while staying in character. At some point, one of the crew members went overboard, and I had an opportunity to dive in and swim out to save this victim. I decided against it, as that too would be too pompous and exaggerated. I would later regret this, it would have certainly accentuated my abilities more. As we returned to the dock, I thought it would be fun to jump off the boat. This woman also decided to jump in with me. A victory to be sure. We both jumped off the boat, and swam to the dock, with her speed being overshadowed by mine, naturally. The afternoon was a delight and I had a splendid time. After going back inside the house, I ate a bit, and rested on the couch a bit, talked to the scary man with the fishing line and a cigar in mouth whom I did not understand, and enjoyed the rest of the occasion. With the ice organically broken, I saw it fit to talk to this woman a bit more. Her name was Sadie, she worked at Asbury Seminary, had a masters in divinity, clearly an intelligent individual. She had very light eyes that seemed to be perpetually laughing, a wide beautiful smile, brown wavy curls that rested on her shoulders, and a loud and hearty chuckle of genuine fun. I learned she sings, which added numerous points on her behalf. After helping her carry a jug of iced tea to the car she was driving in, I said goodbye, and resumed the rest of my day. Though I did keep her in mind for future reference. For some reason, I thought she was someone I should keep in mind, whether it be for friendship or something else later. However, she was five and a half years older than me. So not something I would act on yet. Later that year in August, I would return to Kentucky, having broken up with my previous partner, Molly. I ended things with her given I did not believe she could understand me, and due to my lack of sexual attraction to her. I left that relationship feeling confident in my decision, confidently closing that chapter. Sometime during my August stay, I get a notification that it is Sadie’s birthday. Now again, my decision to reach out might be considered disagreeable to some, as it may seem like I was quick to find a new partner. I would be lying if I said I was not eager to find someone else new, but I also sought to build a friendship with someone who I thought was quite interesting. I knew very few people in Kentucky, and, of course, it would be polite to wish someone a happy birthday. I sent a message, greeting her with a happy birthday and wishing her a celebratory day. I do not exactly remember the specific conversations that followed, but what I do remember is that I found creative tactics to keep conversations alive. Enough to invite her and our mutual friends, the Clours, to come back to Herrington Lake for another lake house adventure. I again donned my character, but tweaking it by adding a bit more levity and playfulness to the mix. I was pleased with the trajectory I was engineering for a possibility of me and Sadie. We were on schedule. A few days later, I would be again at the Clours’ house, waiting for Sadie to arrive. I spoke with the Clours, asked them how they met, their story, etc. I do not recall the exact words spoken, but I do remember Alison asking me about the status of my romantic life. I told her I was not with anyone, but that I was biding my time, letting events unfold and see what the future has in store. Being patient and casual with letting love awaken. I asked both Alison and Christian casually what places nearby were conducive to a nice social outing, either with friends or good date places they themselves found special. They were good sources of information. However, what I do remember clearly is that as we spoke with words, our eyes were having a different conversation. “Are you single?” Alison’s eyes probed playfully. “No, I am not with anyone. But you know who I am after.” I replied with mine. “I know. Are you trying to start something with her right now?” her irises whispered. “I am not sure. But I seek whatever information you can provide me on my target, and information regarding places nearby for dates for future planning” I replied with mine. “I can give you all the information you need. Do not worry” her pupils reassured. “Wonderful. I am glad we understand each other” I replied with mine. To be honest, I have no idea if Christian was following this, but I am sure he suspected something. He is a smart man. Later, you arrived, we played Mario Party, which was a scam because I should have won, and we said goodbye. I drove home, and hit an opossum on the way. I informed you of this casualty via imessage, and we had a conversation about what I called the Fred-Olivia effect. Otherwise known as quantum-entanglement. We had begun to talk about this due to the nature of how our lives seemed to slightly mirror each other. Both having broken up with our partners, seeking more out of our futures, and plagued by past experiences. Very in spirit with the C.S. Lewis quote “In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” I honestly wish we had a record of that conversation, but I think since receiving a new phone, it is lost. I am taking you on a long prologue because I think it is important to remember where our story starts. It started with friendship. Of course, there was romantic attraction, and I do think it is important for you to realize that I was very deliberate in my courting of you. I wanted you. I knew I was interested in you, and I planned out my steps to achieve what I wanted. I orchestrated a good first impression, a follow-up, information extraction, and subsequent execution. I again do believe I would make an excellent assassin or covert operative. But I think at the core of it all, we started with friendship. Those late night conversations over the phone when I returned to Boston, getting to know you as a person. A friendship was being built. And I believe this is what has allowed us to endure thus far. The chaos of my life and the battle against whatever forces plague my past, present, and future that will forever swear to limit my capacity to live until my death, in combination with the turbulence of you beginning your own hero’s journey in Boston pursuing a destiny that you are carving out for yourself decoupled from the needs of others. When I take a step backwards, I remember that a story is being written. Our stories, mine and yours. I always would think my story is my own. But what we gather from what Dr. Lewis stated so eloquently is that my story has intersected with yours. Our chapters are being interwoven like strands of fabric, dancing around each other like the DNA helices that write the story of our biology. Our interwoven strand joins with some many others, leading to the eventual final tapestry. A tapestry that we do not know what the image is yet. One that belongs to the God of stories. A being at the center of all existence weaving the story, like Loki in the space at the end of time creating Yggdrasil, the world tree. And the bond that keeps our stories connected is friendship. And we cannot forget that friendship itself is one of the four loves, philia. Friendship is what binds me to you Sadie, it is the love that keeps us alive. And I am so proud of what we have, a relationship that is founded upon a principle of companionship and strength of bond beyond simply the physical. I love what we have, and I do not want to ever be rid of it. I know we still have our struggles for our relationship. I have to confess that at times I am sad that our introduction to our story was not as wrapped in ethereal eros as I might have liked. I wish I could say that when I saw you at the lake, time ceased its reign, the wavelengths in the sunlight impossibly frozen in place around you, and the only sound to be heard was the rush of my breath as I walked to you. I wish I could say that our meeting was the most magical occurrence to ever grace my senses, an experience beyond space and time and reality. But I would be a liar if I ever claimed such a thing. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t wish for more magical moments with you that transcend all fathomability, a scene from a film or a book being written into reality. I would be a liar if I said you were the only woman I have ever been physically attracted to, the only woman who occupies my thoughts at all times. I would be a liar if I said that I do not sometimes wish for more electrifying moments between us, dancing underneath the moonlight at the beach, you in a light dress that gently hugs the traces of your beautiful curves, us swimming out in the ocean in each others arms, us dancing in the middle of a ballroom of a castle under a chandelier. I realize how foolish it is of me to desire such things that are very blatantly unrealistic, so dramatic, so ignorant of how the human mind and lived experience is. But as you know, I for some reason crave purity, I want you to be the sole occupant of my thoughts at all times, I want to have magic with you Sadie. I desire that with all my heart. I want to treat you as a queen or a princess, us as royalty, lovers, adventurers, walking around a beautiful scenery and exploring the vista without a plan in mind, just guided by our emotions. This is not to say we have not had this. And now that you are in Boston, we can have this. I simply am communicating a few points: that I am sorry that I am so wretched of a man so as to not have you always as my main subject in mind, that I am not pure enough to completely withhold my primal urges from acting out in mind and thought towards other women, I abhor this about my human experience as a man; And furthermore, that I desire with all my being to grow with you and give you all the love, both philia and eros, that I can give to you. I desire you and I want you. I cannot tell you how much I love the size of your hips, the curves and roundness of your lower body, the shape of your belly, your rosy cheeks, your smile, your wavy hair, and your green (blue?) eyes. And as I have thought about it more, I love seeing you in more flattering clothing, clothing that hugs your lower body more tightly, my mind goes insane when I see a tease of your belly showing from a shorter shirt. The idea of you in a silk dress or some other dress that teases the shape of your body makes me excited. I simply love how you look, and I never have enough of it. As your partner, I am compelled to support you in whatever fitness decisions you take. However, just know that the more curves, the more weight to showcase your shape, the more of you I can grab and cuddle with, my desire for you would not diminish but grow. I am trying to be explicit about my desire for you as you have requested of me. Sadie, I adore and love you. I desire you, when I am with you, I feel peace. I sleep easier when you are around. I feel known when I am with you. I feel you know me more than others would ever care to. I love your ability to befriend the homeless without shame, I love your ability to find enjoyment in whacky ordinary things, I love your intelligent mind and ability to engage in theological discussion, I love your desire to help people’s needs, I love your family, and I love the beginning of your hero’s journey at Harvard. I am proud of you and so thrilled that you are seeking out your destiny as a leader amongst God’s chosen. I love that I want to be a professor, fighting for God in the middle of Mordor trying to help people of the world know God’s light in higher education, and that you want to fight for God trying to help people of God’s church be strengthened by God’s light. I picture us back to back against hordes of orcs, demons, and monsters, me adorned with the armor of God fixed in the image of the culture of my indigenous ancestors with depictions of Christ as instead of Kukulkan, a macuahuitl in one hand, a Spanish rapier in the other, and a headdress of gold and feathers, and you plated with… well whatever you see fit, I cannot choose for you. Happy new year my love. I love you so very much, and I am dedicated to us. Thank you for fighting with me. There is no one else I’d rather be fighting alongside with. As a small token to my lady, I ask that you look upon your nightstand. I give to you my heart, broken, cracked, molded. It is not much, but adorned with gold, perhaps it is of some value. I am sorry my heart is defective, but at least maybe there is a chance of it being of worth to someone. This piece is a symbol of our perseverance through hardship, a remembrance of the hardships that are to come, and the brokenness we carry. But perhaps our struggles will shine like gold sunlight at the top of the mountain we climb. Con todo mi amor, Sam